10 Things That the “Double Blue Tick” On WhatsApp Might Mean

  1. They’ve left their phone unlocked and their brand-new Scottish fold kitten has walked across the screen, opening WhatsApp and making it look like they’ve seen your message when actually they’re busy downstairs, making an edgy but affectionate collage of what your breasts look like when you’re sleeping.
  2. This is all a grand-scale social experiment instigated by a think-tank comprised of Russell Brand, Ariana Grande and someone with very hurt feelings from high school to see just how much provocation it takes before we all begin to think that actually The Hunger Games might be a good idea, and that actually, come to think of it, we know someone who might make a good contestant.
  3. Their mischievous yet adorable yet high-achieving younger sister has borrowed their phone for the purpose of taking selfies of the underside of their chin, and is now perusing their phone for indicting emails and sex texts. So SHE was the one who read your message about the way you like how his farts smell on your skin. Thank goodness.
  4. A burglar has BROKEN INTO THEIR HOUSE and STOLEN THEIR PHONE and is currently using WhatsApp to message their partner-in-crime with the missive “Idiot left window open; stole phone + two frozen pizzas + copy of 50 Shades; meet you in 10 mins”.
  5. iOs 8.
  6. The Babadook.
  7. Not sure, but it definitely has something to do with Gone Girl.
  8. They opened your message but then accidentally flushed the phone down the toilet and they are currently engaged in a fearsome battle involving a hairbrush and a long piece of floss to get it back out, because reading, and responding to, your message is the only thing they can think about. Maybe for the rest of their LIFE.
  9. Act of God.
  10. They read your message, but haven’t responded to it yet, because sometimes people have other things occupying their brains – like you, you’re thinking of a bunch of other things, like tomorrow’s lunch and your mother’s health and whether you can wear these tights for another day without washing them, because you have better things to do than obsess over the reading of a message DON’T YOU!?

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